i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
