my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
