Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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