its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
