I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize