She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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