I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
