Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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