1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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