woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
