i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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