Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
