you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
