ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
