Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize