you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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