Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
