I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
