Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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