If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
