It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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