I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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