keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
