he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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