If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize