I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My life is pants optional.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
