I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
