the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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