I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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