Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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