Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
