everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize