yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
