I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
