Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
