So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you had me at cake vodka
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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