you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
