If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
