Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just tell him i said nine months
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
