Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
