For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize