you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
