So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
