Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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