Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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