Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
