Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you. Go after that dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
