It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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