i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
