My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this boner is exhausting
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
