Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
