OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My bed smells like the plague
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
