i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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