there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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