If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
