Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
