2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
