worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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