Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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