So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
