Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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