No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
